What Might Have Been
by Darth Tater
Summary: Kel goes to convent. No, she didn't get kicked out, she just never went. Yes, this is the same fic from four years ago. KN
1. Chapter One

This is a re-write of a fic from several years ago, this time with new chapters. *gasp*.

Disclamier: [insert "Tamora Pierce Copyright" disclaimer here]

Chapter One

In the gardens of Mindelan, a brown haired girl who looked to be about ten years old sat sobbing. Now, this was very unlike her as she had spent most of the previous six years learning to never show any emotions at all.

In her lap sat a letter. It was signed Lord Wyldon of Cavall, and its wax seal supported the crest of the royal palace in Corus. The text was very short and precise, merely stating that he felt a girl would not do well in page training. She may not come to Corus in a few weeks' time and he suggested that she join the Riders if she was truly interested in the fighting arts.

No, she would not do this- accept second best just because they were going back on their own law. She would go to the convent and train to be a lady, and a damn good one at that. Just because she was going to hate it with a fiery passion didn't mean she wouldn't do it. She would show them that she could do even this, if she tried. And she would stay up with her weapons training. What was the worst they could do to her?

_____

Five years later, a broken Kel sat staring out her window. Had she been her normal self, she would have been practicing. But that was no longer an option. She had tried to practice everyday, but the Daughters had deemed it un-ladylike. So they had taken her glaive. A year after she got there, they had found her practicing and confiscated her glaive. All she had now was her _shukusen,_ which they could find nothing wrong with as it was only a fan.

Now, she was utterly broken. They found something wrong with her every move. She had indeed, as she expected, learned to enjoy being a lady. However, she could not enjoy being humiliated for everything, having every free word criticized, being insulted for everything, and living a life where her superiors tried to set her peers against her. The rest of the girls didn't even know why the teachers hated her so, as they had welcomed her with open arms. But despite their hospitality, her colleagues had soon found that she was a loner, and often left her to herself.

Kel had prescribed to inner apathy. She had not lost her Yamani mask, only moved it to her heart, where she felt rarely, hated little, and loved less.

But though she was as cold as ice inside, on the outside passerby saw the image of innocent teen beauty. Every morning she subjected herself to pain of all sorts with harsh face cleansers to prevent zits and pimples (A/N what did they call those back then, anyway?), corsets, and plucking and styling of hair. She applied face paint, which gave the appearance of happiness even when she was dying inside.

She sat, in a modestly low cut black gown that slimmed down her waist and blossomed out into a bell that swished around her feet. The outer gown was solidly colored to the waist, where it became slightly translucent. The under gown was solid where the top layer left off. It was hemmed with white silk, and the bodice was embroidered with white silk thread into nonsensical patterns. Its sleeves closely followed her arms to her wrists, where they were embroidered with more white thread and bloomed out around her tanned, slender hands. Her feet had been coaxed into plush velvet black slippers. She looked like a fair maiden on the brink of destruction.

Kel was mentally preparing herself for their going-away ball at the convent. Several courtiers were visiting, and when they went back to Corus they would be taking a fair amount of convent girls with them to find husbands. Including Kel.

But at the moment, she was remembering her failed escape attempts.

The first one had been when she was eleven, and stumbled upon a group of knights, pages, squires, and men of the Own hunting Spidrens. The sparrows she had adopted had followed her and found a string of web, which she immediately showed to the large, friendly man who was apparently Lord Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak. Because of her, they found the nest and saved the village women.

But then they had sent her back to the convent, where she had received intense punishment worse then those given to palace pages. One thing had been accomplished there though. She had met an interesting green-eyed boy, who claimed to be Nealan of Queenscove.

On her second attempt at escape, she had met Neal again with some friends fighting bandits. She had rescued their tails and run back to the convent, afraid of her punishments for this. Her stay in The City of the Gods wouldn't have been quite so bad if she had had friends, but she didn't even attempt to make any. She only attended lessons, ate occasionally, was reprimanded, and went to her rooms at night to sob

All in all, her life really stank. Which was why she was so glad to be leaving the next day. But for now, she had the ball.

_____

Kel entered, accompanied by the Crown prince Roald, who had accompanied the courtiers there. Kel had had the honor of being selected by him to be escorted. Despite the Daughter's statements that she was a good for nothing brat. In front of all the conservatives watching.

So now she was beginning to find the prince a nice person, but was immediately separated by Josi, the convent idiot. The daughters loved her, she did everything right, but that didn't make her any less of a bimbo. Content to just let things lie, let the men folk do the fighting and crafts, she would just find a husband and gossip and chat her days away.

Roald spent the rest of the evening dancing with whoever cornered him, and Kel spent that time mostly sitting in a corner. Several men asked her to dance, which she accepted, but they too learned that she was not happy with her lot in life and left her alone.

About half way through the evening, she ended up leaving the hall. Only to be greeted by a young face, maybe eleven or so. She smiled energetically, obviously exited to have someone to chatter to.

"Hello, my name's Fianola of Seabeth and Seajen. I'm going to train as a page at the palace, because mama said I could if there were no other girls yet. I'm so exited! What's your name? Are you a girl from the convent? Oooooohh, are you going to Corus to find a husband? Did you just come from that ball? They're really loud. What's wrong?"

Because she had said all this in a steady string without taking a breath, it took Kel until the end to realize what she had said. She was going to be a page. Train as a knight. And she was being let to. Wyldon hadn't forbidden it, like he had Kel. This energetic gossiping girl was going to accomplish Kel's dream, and didn't even know it.

"Hello, I'm Keladry of Mindelan. Yes, I'm a girl from the convent. Yes, I'm going to Corus tomorrow to find a husband. Yes, I just came from the ball. What's wrong is that I could not achieve what you soon will." By this point she was on the brink of tears, this innocent girl had unknowingly broken her inner wall, and it was taking all her strength to keep from curling into a ball in the corner.

"I'm happy for you." A complete lie. "I look forward to seeing you at the palace soon." She had to get out of there.

Just then a daughter came looking for Kel.

"Keladry, where are your manners? This girl is from the capital. Treat her with the respect she deserves." As she said this, she slapped her hard nearly enough to send her sprawling, and grabbed her with every intention of throwing her into the stone floor.

Fortunately, Roald came out at this time and demanded what was going on. Fianola, forgotten until now, took over explaining that she and Kel had been talking until the daughter came and began reprimanding her. However, the daughter claimed that she was simply reminding Keladry of her studies and she would be most gratified if they would all leave. Kel already had.

Kel lay on her bed, letting the tears come. They streamed down her face, the only indication of her sorrow. Her eyes were regaining life. She contemplated whether her life was worth living, but those thoughts would have to wait. Now she had to answer the door, which was being pounded on vehemently. The servant only left Kel with a letter and ran, as if just delivering it was illegal. Upon opening the note, all that was written was:

_Dear Keladry,_

_We are all ecstatic for your coming trip to Corus. Please keep in mind that the capital does things differently from the convent, and your life will change so much you may not know you're the same person anymore. Eagerly awaiting your arrival!_

_Sincerely,_

_Inness_

That settled it then. Tomorrow, she went to the capital**.**


	2. Chapter Two

Disclamier: [insert "Tamora Pierce Copyright" disclaimer here]

Chapter Two

The next day, Kel's sorrow of the night before was almost forgotten. Almost. There was still that reminder, the curt word, or just the glance that told her she would never amount to anything. She was grateful to be leaving.

The next day, they forced all the girls into riding dresses. Not that Kel minded, as she never broke the rules or did anything wrong anymore. That had been pounded out of her. And besides, it wasn't as if she hated girly things. She actually like dressing prettily and discussing the finer points of etiquette. But it was just a bit impractical. They were going to be on the road for three days, and they were wearing dresses. Perfect. Oh, well, at least they didn't have to ride in their dresses. Though it was unladylike, for the first time in years Kel found herself wishing for a good mount and a pair of breeches, instead of a carriage and overly fancy gowns. She didn't tell anyone though, they would only laugh.

But then she did something she hadn't often done since she was ten: she actually smiled. She would be getting to see her family, as they were stopping on there on the way to Corus. (A/N I know that's not right according to locations, but it's for plot development.) And then upon arrival at the palace, she would get to see Neal, even though he probably wouldn't remember her at all. The heir of a ducal house would most definitely have better things to think about than a runaway convent girl. But she knew he was nice, so that cheered her considerably. It was pretty much like that the rest of the way to Mindelan. Sit, listen to other girls gossip, think, eat, sleep, and get bored.

When the party reached her home fief, the other girls realized this and began asking her all manner of questions, who was she related to, how, who was nicest, which boys to avoid, where to go to see all the most handsome men, and so on like that until the footman helped them out into the courtyard.

It seemed that they had a welcoming committee. Five dogs, all belonging to her nephews, three ponies, accompanied by her nieces, about ten cats, wandering, four servants, pretending not to be dawdling, Anders, Inness, Conal, and her parents, were there to greet them.

Her mother introduced herself and her family with open arms, into which Kel ran for a hug. She hadn't seen anyone she knew wouldn't hurt her in so long, the feeling was overwhelming.

The group spent the rest of the day there, so she got a nice conversation with her mother in. they had just sat down with tea, Keladry gracefully draping herself over a sofa while Ilane unceremoniously plopped into a comfortable overstuffed chair. Kel winced at this, the chair had always been one of her favorites, and it seemed her dear mother was going to wear it out before she could inherit it.

The baroness took this as an opportunity. "So, have you missed me? I was afraid they had sent you away because you murdered the frilly girls in frustration. Why didn't you write?"

Kel sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. "Oh, Mama, I kept meaning to, but every time I found a minute, I…… became otherwise occupied." She breathed, trying to think of a plausible reason aside from not knowing what to say that didn't become stained with tears.

Her mother most likely guessed, but chose not to say. Admitting that she knew her daughter's misery wouldn't help anything. Although, changing the subject might.

"Oh, well then, we have quite a bit of catching up to do. For instance, do know you're fifteen already? Of course you do. But, what I mean is, have you considered the Riders? I know you wanted to do…." This silence was short lived. "Something along the lines of that."

"I considered it, but it's not worth the silent scoldings the other girls would give me." Kel knew that being mistreated by other girls was fine to her mother, but the daughters were another subject…. Better left un-broached. It would have been a nightmare. They idly chatted like this for a few minutes, and then left to go their separate ways.

They spent the next day traveling through towns and markets, which will not be described as it mostly all went like this:

"Ooooooohhhh! Look at this dress! It's gorgeous!"

"No, it would look better on Delia."

"Wait, isn't she dead on account of treason?"

"No, she was exiled because the king didn't want many executions. But it would have looked good on her. Did you ever see? She was like a goddess……….." And it continued on in this manner until Keladry fell asleep until night with the sheer stupidity and frivolity of it all.

Finally, they arrived at the palace. The great gates loomed over them, imposing fear on some, joy or hope on others, but only regret and sorrow in Kel. The dainty carriage rolled into a courtyard, and was greeted by several pages and squires along with the master of etiquette.

"Alright! Let's see……… Okay, Lady Anne of Yelden Heights, page Owen will accompany you to your rooms.

A fragile looking lady stepped out with the help of Owen, after his exclamation of "Jolly!" about half of the ladies were led to their rooms until it was Kel's turn. She was a bit nervous, as many of the girls with her were giggling about "The Queenscove heir".

She had no idea who they were talking about, and was fretfully worrying that he would scoff at her as the other adults had always done. She thought he would find her ugly and un-ladylike. No one had ever told her that she was in fact more beautiful than many women could ever hope to be.

When in fact she did look out, she was greeted by Master Oakbridge shouting, "Queenscove! Escort Lady Keladry of Mindelan to her rooms." The girl paled. To think she should end up with him. All the other girls would be clustered in her rooms gossiping before the day was over, she predicted.

She found herself gazing into the greenest eyes she'd ever seen. There was something about those eyes, you could just get lost in them. It was like perfection, just waiting. And then she realized it had only been a few seconds, and she was being led to her rooms.

And just as quickly she was standing in her rooms, wondering how she had gotten there.

_____

Kel had a few minutes to think about the man who had just accompanied her before she heard frantic knocking on her door. _Must be those blasted girls, _she thought, resigning herself to a night of gossip. But strangely enough, she wasn't going to mind.

She walked over to the door, opening it very quickly in a very un-lady like way. She expected the result. Four girls, all from the convent and still dressed in their riding dresses, fell in a heap on Kel's floor. The one on top looked up, staring at Keladry until she broke into helpless giggles, along with the other inhabitants of the room.

They stood and dusted themselves off, as all five stopped to admire the room. Kel recognized them as Niamara, Iralina, Niva, and Glakisa.

They hadn't had time to see their own rooms in their rush to find her, so they looked at Kel's room instead.

"Oooooh, I saw you were escorted by Nealan of Queenscove, he's so, so, so _gorgeous,_" Nia sighed. It seemed they all wanted to talk about Neal. Well, two, no, five could play at that game.

"Well, it was kind of nice. Have you seen his eyes? They're so, well, like you said Nia, gorgeous." Kel breathed, playing the part of a lovesick girl.

"Oh, I envy you; I hear he's the heir of Queenscove. Imagine what a prize that would be in a betrothal." Niva was greeted by glares.

"Oh, I doubt you should envy me. He'll probably marry some Yamani girl when it comes time for the prince's marriage."

"And besides, how can you think about inheritance at a time like this, Niva? I don't care if he's a common born rat, he's a prize without the ducal house, although it would be nice to be a duchess." Ira had always been a hopeless romantic. Though all of this, Glaki had been silent. She ventured in now.

"Well, I suppose you're both right. To be a duchess would be nice, and to marry the heir of Queenscove, but Nealan is a bit of eye candy." This seemed to make them all happy. They chatted a while longer, then went to dinner in the page's and squire's hall as they had been instructed.

They were immediately waved over to the table with Neal and his friends, who wanted to be the first to greet the convent girls, being the lovesick boys they were.

"So, hello lovely ladies. I am Neal of Queenscove, this hellion is Owen of Jesslaw, over there is Faleron and Merric, and Iden and Warric. Alas, Cleon would be here with us, but his evil knight master has whisked him away from us, never to return." Neal gestured to the others and sighed dramatically at this last comment.

"I imagine his knight master was kind if he pulled him away from you silly boys." Nia said with equal speed and composure.

"But you hurt me. Right here," he poked his chest." I don't believe I shall ever recover." Neal feigned injury, ending with a dignified splat in his pork.

The girls all had seats by now, with Ira and Glaki beside Neal and Owen, Kel between Merric and Faleron, and Niva and Nia side by side with Iden and Warric.

Once they were all finished, Lord Wyldon walked to the podium to begin the evening prayer.

"Oh, great Mithros, guide us in affairs of life, and let us make the right decisions when we decide on our course of action for miscellaneous stuff. (*cough* brain fart)

"Who was that?" Kel asked Merric, trying to avoid Neal's glance. In the hall between her room and the dining hall, she had realized that this was Neal, and felt like an idiot for not seeing it before.

"Oh, him? That was Lord Wyldon, the training master. He's a bit stiff." Merric explained this as if he wasn't sure if Kel liked or disliked Wyldon.

"Him." Was all Kel said, keeping her composure to the best of her abilities, which were now vastly insufficient.

"I think I'll retire early. I'm not really hungry tonight." She quickly left the room, leaving silence in her wake. The other girls quickly made their excuses and followed her, wondering what could have brought about such a sudden transformation.

As Kel walked, she reviewed on her life. She had gone to the Yamani Isles, then sent her letter to the palace. Then she went to the convent. The life of Keladry of Mindelan was not very interesting, she decided.

She then wondered why she had abandoned her Yamani ways. Goodness knows they would have come in handy. It was decided right then and there that she would re-learn her friends' customs. Starting with hiding emotions, which was considerably easier than expected.

When Nia, Glaki, Ira, and Niva finally reached Kel's rooms, she was sitting on her bed staring off into space, as if she didn't even notice the streams of tears on her cheeks. She was more thoughtful than anything. It wasn't as if she was afraid to show her emotions, just as if she deemed them unworthy of notice.

"Kel, what was up with that? What's wrong?" Niva asked, unusually sympathetic. It was unusual for Kel to storm out like that, as it would have made any watching daughters angry.

"Nothing. I just don't like Lord Wyldon." _Should I tell them? _She thought. She wasn't sure if they could be trusted. Niva seemed fairly trustworthy, but she couldn't risk it. "He wasn't very polite to my brothers, so they always complained about him. It's kind of hard to like him after them." She knew it was obvious to them that she was lying, but she didn't care. She wouldn't tell them about her former wish to be a lady knight.

In fact, only Niva saw through her. The rest of them couldn't see past Kel's newly acquired mask. It had been easier than Kel would have imagined re-learning Yamani ways. But then again, she had been raised by Yamanis, so it wasn't so surprising.

Letting it be, Niva pretended not to notice Kel's strange behavior as the rest of the girls and eventually left, followed by Niva herself, making their excuses and leaving Kel to her thoughts.

Truth be told, Kel wasn't exactly sure just how she felt about Neal since their last encounter. She really liked him, and got a fluttery feeling in her stomach, but was it love? Kel had heard plenty of stories about the love and lust, but none of them told how to tell the difference. And this didn't feel like the things described either. Not like she wanted to spend her life with him. Just like she wanted to spend the day with him. Not to mention the fact that this was nowhere near the severity described. It couldn't have been lust, because that seemed much more- well, it seemed like it made for a more intense attraction.

Sighing, the girl finally just got into bed and blew out her candle, saving her thoughts for another, less interesting time.

_____


	3. Chapter Three

Disclamier: [insert "Tamora Pierce Copyright" disclaimer here]

Chapter Three

"So, Neal, which of the new court ladies have you chosen to be obsessed over this time?" Neal, Seaver, Owen, Merric, Roald, Faleron, and Cleon were studying in the library. This last question had been voiced by Merric, who found it highly entertaining that Neal wrote poetry to whomever he liked. The two had become good friends, and the rest of the crowd had appeared on their own.

"Oh, I don't know, he might not have chosen yet. Mithros knows there are enough to last a good while. Is it just me, or do they get more beautiful every year?" Roald was clearly just giving Neal a hard time, but trying to change the subject as well.

"Yes, I do believe they do. There _are _more convent ladies this year." Faleron said, completely oblivious to the fact that they were just picking on their good friend.

Owen joined in this obliviousness. (A/N Yes, that actually is a word. Isn't it cool?) "I liked Nia of Bancanor, she's a beauty. So are the rest of them, but she's also nice. I just wish more of them liked something other than clothes, and gossip, and- well, clothes."

"Um, do I get a say in this conversation which is obviously revolving around me?" Neal asked. But the rest of his buddies hadn't had their say yet.

"I liked Keladry of Mindelan. But she seems like a bit of a stick in the mud. And did you see the way she stormed out earlier? That's just not common noble lady etiquette." Cleon, naturally, had taken far less time selecting a female.

"Thank Mithros one of them doesn't care, it seems they're always so… I don't know, proper. With the perfect 'thank-you's, and the stiff dances. Now, Niva of Summer Circle, she was interesting, pretty, but in a fiery way, like you would never succeed in telling her what to do. I wonder if she would ever see anything in someone like me." Seaver was always saying things like that, never paying attention to the googly eyes the serving girls made at him.

Neal had finally had it. "Would you all please just SHUT UP?" "SSSSHHHHHH!" Well, apparently they weren't the only ones in the library.

Lowering his tone, he continued. "Look, I don't care what you think, but has it ever occurred to you that maybe for once I don't want to just pick a girl and write poetry to her.. eyebrows? I am NOT a ditzy blonde nobleman with nothing more on his mind than… females!" he ended gallantly, only to have his humor disrupted by a wonk on the head from Faleron, and then the bell. Sighing, they gathered their books and headed to their rooms.

Lost in his thoughts, Neal bumped into Cleon. He grunted an apology and set off for his rooms, thinking. _Although, now that they mention it… Keladry __**was**__ very beautiful, and she seemed very reserved, but almost like a cat, silk and steel._

Right before the two split off for their separate destinations, Seaver whispered to Cleon "I know you've spoken for Kel, but you might want to keep an eye on Neal, I think you might have competition" and then jogged down the hall to his room, leaving Cleon to ponder the meaning of his statement.

_____

Unfortunately for Kel, the next day was less interesting, leaving her to her thoughts, accompanied by a morning visit from Niva, who wanted to 'talk'.

"So," she began, putting on a false smile. "What do you think of the guys we sat with at dinner last night?"

Carefully not portraying her discomfort, Kel merely stared at her, unblinking, until the other girl sighed with exasperation and got to the point.

"Look, we're not friends so I won't be betraying you or anything by saying this, but what in Mithros' name was up with you last night? Running out of the hall like that? I'm sorry, but there has to have been more behind that than just 'He didn't like your brothers'."

Now it was more difficult to remain calm. Who was this girl to be asking questions about her personal life? This was an excuse and Kel knew it, she needed to get this off her chest or it would haunt her until the convent teen was no more, replaced by a bitter old maid who knew nothing but her weapons. Which reminded her, she should be practicing instead of talking to her… no, she had to do this. She was strong. But it was going to be a long conversation she knew as she began the complete story of her life from age ten.

_____

Queen Thayet, former Sarain princess Thayet jian Wilima, co-ruler of Tortall, friend of such esteemed persons as the Wildmage and the Lioness, was completely and utterly bored. She had been reading over a Maren peace treaty for three hours, and she still didn't even know what their terms were, though she had most likely read that section already. She **definitely** needed a break. Well, not a break, but a change in work.

Looking over her desk for something that looked easy and mindless, the queen came across a note saying 'choose new ladies', reminding her to look over the list that had been come up with. With her and Jon's reign had come changes on her part as well as his, such as the way new ladies in waiting were chosen, and the existence of the royal ladies. Instead of looking over the applications of way too many buffle-brained noble girls whose families were rich or in good standing, she came up with a comprehensive list of all noble girls between the ages of 15 and 20 who looked competent and polite. Usually, she only barely came up with enough, and this year was no different.

"hmmm…. Let's see, that looks good" she murmured to herself absently. She had come up with eight girls: Denise of Linden, Iralina of Teonash, Gwendolyn of Holly, Nathalie of Queenscove, Myra of Runnerspring, Reagan of Genlith, Niva of Summer Circle, and Keladry of Mindelan. It looked like a few might be royal lady material, as she re-chose every year. Sometimes the same ones were chosen, but she didn't think it fair to have the same one year after year and never give anyone else a chance. She was only sorry to lose Uline of Hannolof, she was turning twenty one this year and she had been a wonderful help in matters of state. Oh, well, she hoped she wasn't making a mistake with Keladry. Her convent teachers had awful reports, and usually this meant they were too bright, so she was hoping against hope she wasn't just a trouble maker.

Putting that matter out of her mind, she set about creating this year's individual tests for which girls to be royal ladies, she did it this way so that if they fumbled or made a fool of themselves, there would be no chance of passerby or other girls never letting them live it down. She had found it gave them added respect for her, which spread to their families and helped her position as queen.

_____

Kel had just finished her rather boring tale when Niva's comment was cut off by a messenger boy, blushing and bowing meekly. He jogged away hurriedly, leaving Kel and Niva to their conversation.

"So, it sounds to me like you have some serious issues, but not as serious as you think." How could she judge? It hadn't been her going through all that. "You really are exaggerating, I can see why the daughters didn't like you, and they were completely unjust in doing so, but it's not as bad as you make it out to be." She was almost whining, trying to make her point without causing too much pain. "Like I said, I'm not your friend, so I'm possibly one of the only people who can tell you: Get. Over. It." She said this last part short and haltingly, digging the meaning in deeper.

At this point Kel had no choice but to evaluate her words for what they were, and realize how true they were. She _did _know the whole story. She wasn't just being mean; she had recently proven herself to be a kind, caring person. Kel realized that she had been bottling everything up for five years, and was on the point of bursting. It just wasn't healthy to keep everything in like that. When you did that, you blew things way out of proportion and became a ghost, nothing really mattering. Mole hills became mountains. Could she really have avoided all that pain just by opening up? However, this line of thought was interrupted by frantic pounding on the door.

"Come in-" Kel barely had time to finish before Ira burst into the room sporting a torn open envelope and a huge grin.

"Oh gods, did you two read your letters yet? I got your letter from the servant boy for you Niva, did you read yours yet Kel? Oh, this is so amazing!" In a clear example of her excitement.

Sighing with the girl's giddiness, Kel opened her envelope and fished around for whatever was **so** important.

"Oh my-" she couldn't even bring herself to finish the exclamation once she had read the surprisingly short letter.

_Dear Keladry,_

_Congratulations, you, along with seven other girls: Nathalie of Queenscove, Denise of Linden, Niva of Summer Circle, Myra of Runnerspring, Gwendolyn of Holly, Iralina of Teonash, and Reagan of Genlith have been selected to be one of the Queen's Ladies. You will be a part of the ladies in waiting, and you will meet your comrades to be in time. Until then, you will receive more information on the matter if you will please come to the lesser used royal dining hall, a servant will be sent. This will take place at 6:00 pm on the 8th of June, in two weeks' time. If this interferes with any previous plans, please notify me and it will be rescheduled to a more convenient date. First and foremost to me is that you are all available at this time. _

_Sincerely,_

_Queen Thayet_

_A royal lady,_ she thought in astonishment._ Me, a lady in waiting, not just 'the weirdo'. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I'm stupid and ugly and fat…… _or so she had been told by the Daughters, who led her to believe it.

She was shaken out of her reverie by another giggle. "Oh, I just can't _believe_ it!" Sighing, she immersed herself in the world of frippery. It was going to be a long day.


	4. For the first time in years

Oh snap, I'm updating. Hell must have frozen over.

Dante: *taps fingernails and scowls*

Shut up. Anyway, the point is, I finally got off my lazy butt and wrote something. This chapter totally happened all by itself, since I usually knew where I was going an entire sentence ahead of what I wrote. I have not updated in three and a half years, for which I sincerely (mostly) apologize. It wouldn't have been so long, except that I realized this story currently has no plot. Hehe, probably shouldn't share that… I went back and edited/re-wrote the rest of it, because I had to read it to remember what it was about and was amazed at what I had written. So a few things may be different from what you remember if you're returning.

Also, since I've re-written everything and changed around a lot of names and facts and characters, there might be some errors I didn't notice. If you see anything, don't hesitate to whine at me and I'll look at it again.

Disclaimer: [insert "Tamora Pierce Copyright" disclaimer here]

Last time…

_A royal lady,_ she thought in astonishment._ Me, a lady in waiting, not just 'the weirdo'. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I'm stupid and ugly and fat…… _or so she had been told by the Daughters, who led her to believe it.

She was shaken out of her reverie by another giggle. "Oh, I just can't _believe_ it!!!" Sighing, she immersed herself in the world of frippery. It was going to be a long day.

Chapter Four

As Kel was planning a trip to the city with her new friends for new dresses (because they couldn't wear something old to a meeting with the queen!), Neal was mucking out the stables for some punishment or other. Though he loved dearly spending time with the horses, there was a limit to how much he wanted to handle. Like cleaning up their poop. Especially when they seemed to particularly enjoy making his life difficult. They being one strawberry roan gelding.

"Really? Do you find it necessary to wallow in your own filth simply because you will not deign to grant me entrance to your oh-so-splendid palace of a DUNG HEEP HORSE STALL?!!" So maybe he tended to overdramatize things a bit, but when a horse blocked his entrance out of sheer spite, most people would have reacted little better.

"Oh, chill off young'n. You know he don't mean nothing by it." If Stefen thought preventing a poor squire from completing his task meant nothing, he was mistaken, but Neal was prevented from telling him so by his knight mistress come to rescue him from that vile place.

That is, if rescuing him from that vile place was the same as drenching him with trough water. To battle the smell. Because really, no one noticed a small woman dragging a large sopping young man across the palace grounds, but they most certainly would have smelled it.

"Now don't you have better things to do than playing with the animals on such a lovely day without duties?" Alanna asked sneeringly, conveniently forgetting that playing with the animals had been her idea. "Shouldn't you be studying? Or training? Or chasing young ladies?"

Though Neal was fully prepared to repeat a horrible idea (talking back to the king's champion), he was once again interrupted from speaking his mind, this time by a coughing fit brought on by the smell of wet dung rising from his clothing.

Mumbling about bipolar knight-mistresses and bathhouses, he made his retreat followed by the ominous words "I want you back here in thirty minutes!"

Though he wasn't completely adverse to being drawn away from the stables in favor of a bath, he was a little disillusioned to learn that the terribly important task she had in mind for him was shopping. More specifically, carrying things. Girly things. Non girly things. Heavy things. All things.

Two hours later, loaded down under sweets, balms, hair things, two new dresses, weapons care accessories, and various and sundry other things he couldn't even name or remember, a very tired and abused Nealan of Queenscove sank gratefully into a seat outside the stall of whatever midwife they simply had to visit.

"Squire! We're finished!" the frightening woman barked in his ear, grinning at his expression of self-pity as he picked up his dropped packages. Why was the world so cruel to him?

Seeming to read his thoughts, Alanna called a nameless street boy over to them before reaching up to pat her squire patronizingly on the cheek. "And they say squires are only good for sparring. You've been very helpful today Neal, now get out of my sight and don't let it go to your head, or I may change my mind about those stables duties. Now, boy, you see those bags?"

Because there were some times when Neal knew to shut his mouth, he was out of earshot too soon to hear the end of what she said and just beginning to wonder what to do with himself when he stumbled upon a group of convent girls debating over the best location for lunch.

"Excuse me ladies, but I couldn't help but overhear your dilemma, and thought I might be of use as one so accustomed to our fair capital." Naturally, he offered his assistance before even putting names to the faces now staring adoringly up at him, as they had apparently already put his ducal heir name with his constantly sarcastic face.

Suddenly one face (Niva of Summer Circle, he remembered) fell. "Oh, drat. I've just remembered something terribly important Ira and I were going to do right now. Right, Ira?" Her look seemed suspiciously contrived, but as Iralina quickly agreed that they needed to immediately leave him alone with their friend after her brief look of confusion, Neal didn't have time to ponder it too much before escorting Keladry to his favorite eating house.

"So, erm, how are you liking Corus?" Yes, he was grasping at straws for conversation starters. Who could be blamed in the presence of such a composed beautiful lady? Such a gloriously tall lady?

Giving a soft giggle at his ice breaker, Kel teased him for the next five minutes by giving monosyllabic responses simply to watch him flounder with words trying to avoid falling into the awkward silence that so often happens between strangers. Finally, they reached their destination and she took pity on him by asking a rather unexpected question of him.

"What was Nathalie like when she was young? She mentioned you a few times at the convent, but she's either too shy or too stiff to approach further, and she has to have been more interesting as a child." Wow, real romantic. Let's talk about your obnoxious little sister!

"Well, she kind of resents our status in society. What good is nobility if it gets her older brothers killed and convinces the last one left to switch from healing arts to fighting arts? She really hates the way court objectifies her, and if it weren't for her position as one of the queen's ladies, to which I assume she'll be returning this year, she probably would have lost her mind and started blasting holes in all the palace walls. She's just very, um, - composed. Usually."

"Really? You mean there's another lady in the country also disdains our traditional role for its limited and male dominated options?" She said this with a joking air, but he could have sworn there was something serious and pained behind her eyes as she spoke. He chose to file that knowledge away for later review instead of causing a scene.

Much of the afternoon continued much in this half teasing half serious manner which he could not understand until they had the misfortune to meet his flirty cousin from the Own. Naturally, they were greeted by a cat call.

"Aw, wook at that! Our wittole meathead found himseff a fwiend! He'th gonna mawwy her and take her home to meet hith mommy!" Domitan mocked with heavily dentalized 't's. "That is, unless she would prefer to spend her valuable time with a real man who can show her the true wonders of Corus."

Neal had a terribly witty comeback on the tip of his tongue, surely, despite the fact that all that came out was inane sputtering. It was Kel who came to his rescue. "Really? Have you seen any? I was with a wonderfully accommodating gentleman, but then some street ruffian came up and started spouting nonsense. I don't think he learned to speak properly, probably dropped on his head as a child."

Goodness, she hadn't had such quick conversation since her last visit home! She certainly had never had such attractive escorts taking her about town, entertaining her with their scathing repartee. Maybe she would find the life of a noble lady more agreeable than she had formerly thought.

It's like three am, so I apologize for any glaring grammatical or spelling errors. Please notify me if you encounter any which are too obvious to forgive. I would like to dedicate this chapter to Kelly Clarkson, Bose In-ear headphones, and Sheyrena Wyrsabane who reviewed me like 8 months ago and reminded me this story existed. I kept your review in my inbox this whole time just for this purpose. Now, you should all review. Or not, your choice. But I'd prefer if you would.


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